Sorry in advance if my code is wrong/bad, as I've got basically no experience, but I'm still going to take a shot because this seriously can't last... the message sent by things like LibreOffice Impr... and GIMP Image Ma... is clear as day: "Linux is an amateur OS, it's best to use Windows, which is nourished by DRM and guided towards perfection by market forces", yes I seriously do think that precisely this message is being sent.
Edit: found all necessary APIs in the documentation.